I was in the supermarket buying a large bag of Purina dog food and was in the queue to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog…….. Duh!
I was feeling a bit mischievous so, on impulse, I told her “No. I’m starting The Purina Diet again,” After a pause, I continued “I probably shouldn’t because I ended up in the hospital last time, but I’d lost 50 pounds before I woke up in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV’s in both arms.”
Her eyes nearly popped out of her head.
I went on and on with my bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or hand bag with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The label said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
By this time, practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.
Horrified by my hospitalisation, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and if that was why I ended up in the hospital.
I said “No…..I’d been sitting in the street licking my backside when a car hit me!”
I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.